Fears and Leers

I have concluded that 'Fear' is essential for survival - to exist - so that our genes may multiply and proliferate? It seems to me that 'Fear' has taken a life of its own. Fear is a mainstay of Indian society, personified in the slouch of many men, the faceless quality of females and the desire to be in the shadows while keenly observing all goings on, so that information gleaned may be used to surpass others in various measures of success, or to optimize ones gain.

The Indian face is perhaps more inscrutable than many. Inscrutable not by dint of stoic expression but due to misleading facial expressions. There is one exception to this - the instances of men preying on women. The unmistaken leer delivered directly and openly to the prey, the unclothing of women's bodies with that lascivious gaze and the confidence of doing all this as a matter of right.

Not much discussed is such intrusive gaping, usually done blatantly in the presence of an audience, unquantifiable, but perceivable by the intended prey. The defence of the perpetrator becomes precisely the presence of the audience who would deny noticing anything amiss.

Take the instance of my morning walk two days ago in Richards Park. I did my usual focused, fast paced rounds -2 miles, sans eye-contact, except with an occasional woman, yet observing all and sundry. My peripheral vision in India has been developed to a whole new level. Post walk stretching and exercises as usual at the central rotunda where many others did similarly.

Today I noticed a middle-aged man with his confident checking-me-out glances. As I moved my arms in a circle under his constant gaze, I became acutely self conscious of my chest and involuntarily looked down to see if there was enough flatness. He noticed this. I turned sideways to him and continued. He continued to openly gawk and leer. I felt a burning sensation very real on my side that was towards him. When I stole a glance to see if my discomfort was imaginary he tried to make eye-contact. I was giving him a private audience it seemed. He needed no permissions.

If you are a woman who has spent any time in India you are subjected without fail to repeated sexual harassment which goes by the mild phrase 'eve teasing' , suggesting a spoil sport attitude by women. Thus this was not my first such experience either. I have experienced worse horrors. I willed myself to cast him out of my attention and out of my line of vision. But as is wont to happen, such men sustain their activities unchecked. Having finished my morning routine I walked to the sopu wallah, picked the greens I wanted and walked back across the park to get money and then back again to pick up my greens.

Eyeballs followed me the whole time. His slanted smile hosted a familiarity towards me. Mr Romeo repositioned himself to give his full leering attention to me. His chosen spot was closest to the park gate I was to pass. I was overtaken with wanting to break the passive behaviour that I (and almost all women) adopt,  of ignoring the goon. I was overtaken with abandon, a resolve to not be entrenched in this behaviour. As I passed him, I turned and walk towards him. He momentarily basked in the satisfaction of being approached by the object of his attention. His eyes widened with expectation. Perhaps he was in luck with the Bollywood formula where hero harassing heroine wins her over. I walked straight up to him, full eye-contact. His gaze beckoning.

Me: “ It is rude to stare at women the way you have been staring at me”.

His face shrunk as the words sank in – his eyes fixated stonily at the garden fence. I turned and walked to my car not waiting for any response. I noticed his neck was no longer swivelling, searching for me.

I have not been back to the park since. I know it may be a different experience from the joyful, peaceful times I have had.