Thou shalt do as you are told - woman!
April 22, 2009
Today I was accused of causing an accident. I was a participant in the sense that I was driving. I was also a participant in the sense that my car was stationary wanting to turn right and an oncoming motor cycle without his lights on, in the rain, in the dark night, driving too fast skidded and fell, sliding on the road. I suppose he tried to stop suddenly seeing my car,not allowing for rain and slippery road. The motor cycle stopped about four feet in front of my car as it skid. I guided my car straight, as oncoming traffic was accumulating behind the motorcyclist, circumvented him and moved on to park.
Several things happened in quick succession. First a passer by, an elderly gentleman with 3 lines of ash across his forehead jumped up and down, before I had even turned away and accused me of turning without my indicator. I recall I did have my indicator on, which turned off when I rotated my stirring in the opposite direction. And what about the motor cyclists headlights? I was too confused to realize what was going on. And how does one reconstruct the sequence of events? Actually one could reconstruct in a scientific way if one were to examine the skid marks, hence determine the speed of the motorcyclist etc etc. But none of this was even an issue as became clear – they just wanted to pin blame because they wanted money. The motorcyclist and his passenger were up in a trice and running towards me.
This was on the way to my yoga class. After parking the car, I got out and walked to class. As I walked I was screamed at by the man who was saintly (in appearance only). Why was he yelling anyway? I got chased and followed into my class. I did not stop to talk, just kept walking, some instinct inside guiding me. They opened the door after me, interrupting the yoga class, and yelled asking for me to come outside. Not wanting to cause a scene, I went outside and reminded the motorcyclist that he was going too fast and that is why he skidded when he tried to stop. By his logic, whenever breaks are applied suddenly, it’s the other person's fault whether I have an accident by applying breaks or not.
They went at me hammer and tongs, told me the bike was damaged and wanted me to see it. I was not interested I said. I had not caused the fall.
Some of my yoga classmates followed me outside and banded together – one woman in particular aggressively put it across to them to get lost. She pinned them down with a logic that failed me. She told them that she was a lawyer and would be happy to ‘see him’ later. So it went back and forth in kannada with abuses flying in English. The saintly looking man who had no business being there in the first place used ‘shut up’ and other choice phrases liberally. We went back into the yoga class, two male class mates stayed out and finished up on the yelling. I felt deeply grateful for the support. It was clear that the ‘others’ wanted money.
This scenario is perhaps familiar to many. For me it has served as that periodic and not so gentle reminder of my second class status here in India. That’s right, second class in my country of birth and nationality. ‘Thou shalt do as thou are told woman’ must be one of our commandments here.
It has been proven with evidence and statistics that generally women in India are treated poorly. Actually they are treated awfully. Could there be stronger evidence than our skewed female to male population ratios at all age groups except over 65 yrs? By 65 most men have popped it to do any more harm to women hence the proportions shift. When a society kills off one group of people in a systematic way its called genocide. Even if we assume a natural 50:50 population ratio (actually left to nature there would be more women than men) there are anywhere from 19.5 million to 39 million females missing in India’s population – depending on how you do the calculation. Should’nt this be recognized as a systematic albeit passive genocide from within?
Coming back to the imposed second class status: I live a haloed existence in some eyes – highly educated, well paid by many standards, make my own decisions, no worries about being beaten up by a husband, no female foetuses untimely, being plucked from my womb, and no lack of confidence in my beliefs, my intellect and ability to tackle complex situations. Yet after moving to India, in the middle of my life, marked with various and sundry successes, I have felt shaken to the core. Shaken with the realization that no matter what or who I am, I am accepted only if a man says so. Without that validation my chances are poor for any success.
Today I was accused of causing an accident. I was a participant in the sense that I was driving. I was also a participant in the sense that my car was stationary wanting to turn right and an oncoming motor cycle without his lights on, in the rain, in the dark night, driving too fast skidded and fell, sliding on the road. I suppose he tried to stop suddenly seeing my car,not allowing for rain and slippery road. The motor cycle stopped about four feet in front of my car as it skid. I guided my car straight, as oncoming traffic was accumulating behind the motorcyclist, circumvented him and moved on to park.
Several things happened in quick succession. First a passer by, an elderly gentleman with 3 lines of ash across his forehead jumped up and down, before I had even turned away and accused me of turning without my indicator. I recall I did have my indicator on, which turned off when I rotated my stirring in the opposite direction. And what about the motor cyclists headlights? I was too confused to realize what was going on. And how does one reconstruct the sequence of events? Actually one could reconstruct in a scientific way if one were to examine the skid marks, hence determine the speed of the motorcyclist etc etc. But none of this was even an issue as became clear – they just wanted to pin blame because they wanted money. The motorcyclist and his passenger were up in a trice and running towards me.
This was on the way to my yoga class. After parking the car, I got out and walked to class. As I walked I was screamed at by the man who was saintly (in appearance only). Why was he yelling anyway? I got chased and followed into my class. I did not stop to talk, just kept walking, some instinct inside guiding me. They opened the door after me, interrupting the yoga class, and yelled asking for me to come outside. Not wanting to cause a scene, I went outside and reminded the motorcyclist that he was going too fast and that is why he skidded when he tried to stop. By his logic, whenever breaks are applied suddenly, it’s the other person's fault whether I have an accident by applying breaks or not.
They went at me hammer and tongs, told me the bike was damaged and wanted me to see it. I was not interested I said. I had not caused the fall.
Some of my yoga classmates followed me outside and banded together – one woman in particular aggressively put it across to them to get lost. She pinned them down with a logic that failed me. She told them that she was a lawyer and would be happy to ‘see him’ later. So it went back and forth in kannada with abuses flying in English. The saintly looking man who had no business being there in the first place used ‘shut up’ and other choice phrases liberally. We went back into the yoga class, two male class mates stayed out and finished up on the yelling. I felt deeply grateful for the support. It was clear that the ‘others’ wanted money.
This scenario is perhaps familiar to many. For me it has served as that periodic and not so gentle reminder of my second class status here in India. That’s right, second class in my country of birth and nationality. ‘Thou shalt do as thou are told woman’ must be one of our commandments here.
It has been proven with evidence and statistics that generally women in India are treated poorly. Actually they are treated awfully. Could there be stronger evidence than our skewed female to male population ratios at all age groups except over 65 yrs? By 65 most men have popped it to do any more harm to women hence the proportions shift. When a society kills off one group of people in a systematic way its called genocide. Even if we assume a natural 50:50 population ratio (actually left to nature there would be more women than men) there are anywhere from 19.5 million to 39 million females missing in India’s population – depending on how you do the calculation. Should’nt this be recognized as a systematic albeit passive genocide from within?
Coming back to the imposed second class status: I live a haloed existence in some eyes – highly educated, well paid by many standards, make my own decisions, no worries about being beaten up by a husband, no female foetuses untimely, being plucked from my womb, and no lack of confidence in my beliefs, my intellect and ability to tackle complex situations. Yet after moving to India, in the middle of my life, marked with various and sundry successes, I have felt shaken to the core. Shaken with the realization that no matter what or who I am, I am accepted only if a man says so. Without that validation my chances are poor for any success.
posted by Iss Desh ki Dharti at
7:14 AM
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